Without the Judge

            In last week’s article, I mentioned how without ego, there is no longer judgment in this mind on Liz’s thoughts, feelings, and actions. I will elaborate here.

Throughout her life, Liz was often moved to do things the reason for which she didn’t understand at the time. She often had thoughts or feelings ego didn’t want, that ego said weren’t consistent with who she was, or were somehow “wrong” or “bad.” Sometimes she was surprised by the words that came out of her mouth or how they came out. These occurrences would lead to a thunderous amount of internal judgment from ego that she was not “acting like herself” or that what she thought, felt, said, or did was somehow not right, not “spiritually correct” or not “spiritually advanced.” Liz’s thoughts, feelings, and actions were merely neutral expressions of consciousness, but ego contracted them to itself, it made them personal. Liz was always going to do what she did, but ego inserted itself into these neutral expressions of consciousness to assert its own reality. It had formed an identity for itself through Liz by forming an idea of who Liz was supposed to be and judgments were to hold that identity in place, whether they were on Liz or on others. This false construct imposed on Liz was to create a false sense of continuity, a cohesive identity, and ego judged any inconsistency and resisted any changes.

But now, without ego, each day is different in this consciousness without that constructed identity imposed on what comes up in this consciousness or appears in the material world before it. Liz does what Liz does, and it can seem very inconsistent sometimes. All sorts of thoughts and feelings arise but without something here judging them, they pass through. Liz seems to play whatever role is needed for whoever is before her. If anything is felt here about this variability now it is amusement, rather than confusion or fear that Liz has lost control of herself. There is often a sense of play, even when harder or darker things show up, in her feelings, mind, or in the world. It all passes eventually, some things quicker than others, and on to whatever shows up next only to disappear as well. It is easy to see this consciousness as just a space in which thoughts and feelings arise and pass through. This comes with a feeling of expansion. What is here in this consciousness now is not limited to a person, to an identity.

And I begin to see others, too, as just spaces in consciousness in which certain thoughts and feelings are passing through. And, of course, in which an ego still asserts itself. But that, too, is something just appearing and inducing certain thoughts and feelings that are very real to them but are puffs of air to me.

Now, you cannot make ego fall away. I did nothing to make this happen. But perhaps reading things like this can help you to understand what ego is in your mind so you can deal with it. You can practice sorting it out from the person and instead of repressing the person (“Don’t squash the human!”) allow the person to be in the recognition that the judgments on it in your mind are coming from ego, and are for ego, and nothing else. Through this practice, you may develop some detachment, and therefore some relief, from ego.

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