Hiding Your Fear of God

We are told to put our trust in our Holy Spirit. For a long time I felt that trusting my Holy Spirit wasn’t my problem. My problem was I didn’t trust myself to trust my Holy Spirit. For example, when I was anticipating a fearful situation I had no doubt my Holy Spirit would be there with me. What I feared was that when the fearful situation arrived, I wouldn’t turn to my Holy Spirit. I feared I would let me down.

Then one day it dawned on me: My trust couldn’t be in two places at the same time! If I truly put my trust in my Holy Spirit, I did not have to worry about trusting myself. My trust was already in the only place it had to be.

What this revealed to me was that I really didn’t trust in my Holy Spirit as much as I thought. First of all, I couldn’t fear in the future since the future never arrives. If I was feeling fear I had to be feeling it now. Projecting fear into the future was a way of not dealing with it. It meant I wasn’t living in the present – the only time I could actually be with my Holy Spirit. I was using time to put distance between my Holy Spirit and myself. Second of all, I began to wonder if what I really feared was not that I wouldn’t turn to my Holy Spirit, but that I would turn to my Holy Spirit. As much as I hated fearing a certain situation, I feared my Holy Spirit even more.

I wasn’t quite as trusting of my Holy Spirit as I wanted to be because I still feared God. I simply hid this behind what seemed to be a lack of trust in myself. We often hide our fear behind feelings or situations that don’t on the surface appear to be fear. This is how we deny we fear God. Yet if you are not totally at peace all the time, you must still fear God. And you cannot deal with this fear while you deny it.

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Comments

jandvig said…
"Hi Liz
something you said to me once was so helpful - "janet, You are where you are right now, both in the world and in your level of awareness of God"
It has been so helpful for me to "be" in both places simultaneously and have awareness of it. I am much less fearful because of this. I am more conscious of when "janet" is in the world and when I Am as I AM. And how I will Always Be is the peace janet seeks. The Holy Spirit is the String, the Voice, or the Eyes that links janet to Truth. By remembering this, I am less fearful of God (myself).
I am looking forward to your book, Liz. You have been a light in my life.
Janet
2:18 PM
David Richer said…
Liz,

Can you share how your fear that you wouldn't turn to the Holy Spirit manifested itself in your life? What were the thoughts in your head or the behaviors you exhibited?

Thanks for your service,

David
11:29 PM
ACIM Mentor said…
David, I would anticipate a coming event about which I was fearful or uncomfortable, and I would tell myself that it will be okay; that the Holy Spirit will be there with me, and that there is nothing to fear. But then I'd have the thought that, when the event actually arrived, maybe I wouldn't turn to the Holy Spirit, so the fear would persist.
10:19 AM
David Richer said…
Ah yes. I understand. Thank you for your clarification.
6:49 PM
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