Fearing the God We Made

You make attempts at kindness and forgiveness. Yet you turn them to attack again, unless you find external gratitude and lavish thanks. Your gifts must be received with honor, lest they be withdrawn. And so you think God's gifts are loans at best; at worst, deceptions which would cheat you of defenses, to ensure that when He strikes He will not fail to kill. (W-197.1)

I was amazed when I came across this quote because I have found that as I get closer to God, I have these lurking fears. I seem to trust God – up to a point. Not long ago I found I fear I am being tricked, that I am being lured closer with loving promises only to be punished in the end.

What this quote above is saying is that we project our own ego’s behavior on God. In our ego-identification, we snatch away kindness and forgiveness when we find they are not met with our own expectations of gratitude. And so we are sure that that is how God is responding to us. We have not been perfectly grateful and so we think we will be cut down by God as we have cut down those who have not shown us sufficient gratitude.

While we have recognized that the ego's plan for salvation is the opposite of God's, we have not yet emphasized that it is an active attack on His plan, and a deliberate attempt to destroy it. In the attack, God is assigned the attributes which are actually associated with the ego, while the ego appears to take on the attributes of God. (W-72.1)

We have made God in our own ego-image. Is it any wonder we fear God? When we are told that God is unlike ego we find it too good to be true. We are so used to looking at things upside down, because the truth is we are like God – whole, loving, eternally at peace and joyful. Is this how you see yourself? When you fear God, remind yourself it is not God you are thinking of, but rather what you have made of God. Then open yourself to re-learning Who God really is – and Who you really are.

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