How to Stop Taking Responsibility for Others

Students often want to know if I am also detached from those who are closest to me, and the answer is yes. I live in the recognition that all I am experiencing are my own thoughts, so I do not get caught up in ego-thoughts as though they are reality. I don’t mean that I am perfect at this, but correction comes much quicker than it used to. Even in my mind when I say “they” I am aware that the “they” are my own thoughts, not “others” who are outside of me. I’m aware I’m really always speaking to myself, even now as I write this. My path is wholly inward.

In the beginning I was of course very much in ego and “others” as something real outside my mind were very real to me. I was also very co-dependent, and I felt it was my responsibility to “fix” others when I saw they were hurting or unhappy. When I learned to change my co-dependent behavior I still felt guilty for not fixing others because changing my behavior did not change my mind. Change came when I decided to accept what A Course in Miracles says is my only responsibility: To accept the Atonement (correction of my perception that I am separate from God) for myself. At first this caused me guilt, too, because it seemed selfish to the ego. But I also saw the arrogance of my thinking that I know what others need, so I turned others over to the Holy Spirit. I began to see them as the Holy Spirit’s responsibility, not mine. Whenever I got the urge to “help” another I let go of them, and reminded myself that what they need is between them and the Holy Spirit; it’s none of my business. If the Holy Spirit needs to say something to or do something for another through me I trusted that the Holy Spirit would. And it was those closest to me who were my best teachers in this because they were the ones I felt the most urgent need to “fix”.

The more I practiced accepting the Atonement for myself the more I realized that my thoughts and perceptions do not come into my mind from something or someone else. Eventually I stopped seeing others as needing help or fixing because I realized that it’s my own perception of lack that needs to be released. Any perception that the world or anything in it is real is my own call for healing and help. I don’t need to “fix” others; I need to let go of the perception that there are others.


Unknown said…
Thank you for your words. As I write this I realize this is truth speaking within me. I so appreciate the reminder that my responsibility is only for accepting the Holy Spirit's correction of my belief in separation. Not always easy, because my ego gets so freaked out and threatened that my allegiance is changing.
Anonymous said…
So timely, Thank you Liz! mtw

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