Ask: Why do I identify so much with guilt?
I had an encounter with someone who I would classify as a
narcissist. During a particular conversation,
he lost control himself and became irrational and demanding. What followed is a long story but basically
he blames the whole argument on me.
We are no longer on speaking terms which, to be honest, is a good thing
because he started to be nasty even before that conversation. Strangely enough,
I felt guilty about it even though I tried my best throughout. I feel like this situation is teaching me
that even though other people are having tantrums (and projecting their guilt
on me), I don’t need to sacrifice or blame myself. However, it is
difficult. The question is: why do I identify so much with guilt in this
situation? It's been a couple weeks and I'm still going over the gory
details. Thank you. – Anonymous
You identify with guilt because you
identify with the ego (personal thought system). You cannot undo guilt from the
ego. You can only undo guilt by releasing the ego.
Since you feel that you did your
best in the conversation your guilt is not about anything in the conversation
specifically. His ego simply triggered your awareness of the ego in you. And to
be aware of the ego is to be aware of guilt. Replaying this conversation is
just the form that guilt is taking in your mind now.
To release yourself from the
generalized guilt of the ego you must release yourself from the ego. Recognize that
the ego is not you and guilt is not real. Then turn your mind inward to God
(Truth) and remind yourself that only God within you is real. If you have a
strong awareness that God is real this will detach you from the ego. If your
awareness of God is not strong enough yet for you to detach from the ego, this
practice will eventually lead you to detach from the ego. Until your awareness
of God is strong enough for you to detach from the ego you will experience
guilt.
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