Ask: Why do I identify so much with guilt?


I had an encounter with someone who I would classify as a narcissist.  During a particular conversation, he lost control himself and became irrational and demanding.  What followed is a long story but basically he blames the whole argument on me.   We are no longer on speaking terms which, to be honest, is a good thing because he started to be nasty even before that conversation. Strangely enough, I felt guilty about it even though I tried my best throughout.  I feel like this situation is teaching me that even though other people are having tantrums (and projecting their guilt on me), I don’t need to sacrifice or blame myself.  However, it is difficult.  The question is: why do I identify so much with guilt in this situation? It's been a couple weeks and I'm still going over the gory details.   Thank you. – Anonymous

            You identify with guilt because you identify with the ego (personal thought system). You cannot undo guilt from the ego. You can only undo guilt by releasing the ego.
            Since you feel that you did your best in the conversation your guilt is not about anything in the conversation specifically. His ego simply triggered your awareness of the ego in you. And to be aware of the ego is to be aware of guilt. Replaying this conversation is just the form that guilt is taking in your mind now.
            To release yourself from the generalized guilt of the ego you must release yourself from the ego. Recognize that the ego is not you and guilt is not real. Then turn your mind inward to God (Truth) and remind yourself that only God within you is real. If you have a strong awareness that God is real this will detach you from the ego. If your awareness of God is not strong enough yet for you to detach from the ego, this practice will eventually lead you to detach from the ego. Until your awareness of God is strong enough for you to detach from the ego you will experience guilt.

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Comments

Francesco said…
"Instead of working against the ego, work together with God"

:)
will said…
Your not alone Anonymous. This may be the quickest way to atonement but it's still a hard road. If it helps, you can't fix this thinking with your personal mind. That's hard to get a consistent handle on. You, "Anonymous" can't make the change, it's the Holy Spirits job. Just keep doing the course as you so obviously are. It doesn't feel like your addressing the problem but you are. It's almost like coming in from the back door.

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