Grief Is A Healing Process
Continuing with the themes of “the way out is through” and “the fear to look within”…
I have found that grief is the emotion that is most often resisted and repressed. It is also often unidentified.
All loss entails feelings of grief, to varying degrees. Sometimes we go through it quickly. You miss a phone call and you experience denial (“I can’t believe I missed that.”), anger/depression (“Oh, I really wanted to speak with them.”), and, finally, understanding/acceptance (“Oh, well, they’ll call back.”). In other situations these stages take longer to process. Sometimes, in the case of a major loss, it can take years to fully reach understanding and acceptance.
Grief is painful, sometimes excruciating, but it is not really a negative emotion. It is the process our minds use to heal. The way out of grief is to go through the process. We repress grief because it is so painful and/or because we don’t want to acknowledge the loss. But when we don’t go through the process we don’t heal. And unprocessed grief is an obstacle to peace.
Sometimes clients tell me of resentments they cannot seem to release. They know the story they tell themselves. They know why they are angry. But they can’t seem to get past it. I ask them, “But have you grieved that So-and-so isn’t the person you wanted them to be for you?” Sometimes we have to grieve lost expectations or dreams. Sometimes we have to grieve that someone is never going to be for us who we want them to be for us or who we thought they should have been for us. Grieving can sometimes be the last thing left to do before you are free of your resentment.
Often clients tell me they feel they will be overwhelmed by their grief. That is because it looms large when it is unexpressed. It feels like a tidal wave when it is repressed, but it is really just an ordinary wave of emotion. Grief is a process that, once you go through it, you realize you can and will survive any loss that comes your way. It is painful. It is difficult. But if you are willing, you will go through the process and come out on the other side wiser and stronger.
If you have unresolved resentments or losses I can help you process them. Email me at Liz@acimmentor.com to set up an appointment. Learn more at www.acimmentor.com.
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