The Mystical Holy Relationship Corrects Cause and Effect
In my first mystical Holy relationship with E thirty-four years ago, I experienced great joy, but I also sensed the “cost” of the Holy relationship. The cost was the special relationship. The cost was the ego (personal thought system). I couldn’t characterize then the shift that the Holy relationship would bring. I could only sense it. But I now know that the Holy relationship corrects the confusion of cause and effect, completely undoing the special relationship.
The special relationship is the ego’s greatest deception. The experience of the ego is lack, and the special relationship is supposed to supply that lack. Mostly, we don’t think in those terms. But we do feel that the special relationship will save or fix us or make us whole somehow. The idea is that this other person, be it parent, sibling, friend, lover, or partner will supply our lack. We are drawn to them because we see them as the source of Love, Which is an experience of Wholeness.
In the special relationship, the person of the other matters. Their body, personality, and character is what we look to, to supply our lack. Often, it’s because unconsciously and/or consciously they remind us of someone we loved in the past whom we felt met our needs. Sometimes, the special relationship is a special hate relationship where we seek revenge on someone in the past who did not meet our needs through the relationship with the person who now reminds us of them. Often, special love and special hate are mixed in one relationship: “You meet some needs like my mother, but you miss the same ones my father missed.” So you switch between love and hate, making for a very confusing and stressful relationship!
Where you make a special relationship to make yourself whole, the mystical Holy relationship is given from Wholeness Itself. You and another recognize, on a spiritual level, that you are one and the same. Clearly, this Vision does not involve the body’s eyes or the ego’s perceptions! That alone is rattling to your identification with a body and ego. Vision occurs in mind. It reveals that there is more to you than a body and more to your mind than the ego. But that’s only the beginning. If you let it, the Holy relationship teaches you that you don’t need another to make you whole. The mystical Holy relationship is an expression of the Wholeness that you are. Love comes first; adoration of the other’s qualities follows. It is the reverse of the special relationship.
In fact, the mystical Holy relationship isn’t really with another person. In my first mystical Holy relationship, E moved thousands of miles away, but I could still experience the Vision of Oneness just thinking about her. Clearly, then, she was not the source of the Vision. The Vision had to be within me. I learned that the Holy relationship is really with the Holy Spirit (the Awareness of Truth in your mind), and that the Holy relationship that shows up in the world is an expression of that.
In my current mystical Holy relationship, Hannah is across the world from me in Australia. So, again, we do not have to be physically present with each other to experience the Holy Spirit together in our minds. Why we both see and feel me there in form is something we both watch unfold with interest and curiosity. How will Love express Itself through us?
Sometimes when I hear students of A Course in Miracles long for a Holy relationship I see they have confused it with the idea of “soul mates” or some sort of super-charged special relationship. Ah, be careful what you wish for, because it is neither of those things. The Holy relationship is so opposite the special love and/or hate relationship that it is very disorienting at first. Your contexts and paradigms for relationships go out the window. For a while, you don’t quite know how to look at the other.
There can be, as I wrote above, a great sense of loss, too, as the way you used to look for wholeness must fall away. You are left with a sense that you are never going to be whole until you catch on that the Holy relationship is an expression of the Wholeness already here. However, this awareness comes to you, not to the ego, so it continues to scream that you lack. This is why ACIM tells us that sometimes two people in a Holy relationship actively hate each other and never get the lesson. They listen to the ego and never allow the Holy Spirit to finish transforming the relationship into an expression of Love. If the transformation is allowed to become complete, then the relationship is one of pure Joy.
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