The Mystical Holy Relationship Corrects Cause and Effect

In my first mystical Holy relationship with E thirty-four years ago, I experienced great joy, but I also sensed the “cost” of the Holy relationship. The cost was the special relationship. The cost was the ego (personal thought system). I couldn’t characterize then the shift that the Holy relationship would bring. I could only sense it. But I now know that the Holy relationship corrects the confusion of cause and effect, completely undoing the special relationship.

The special relationship is the ego’s greatest deception. The experience of the ego is lack, and the special relationship is supposed to supply that lack. Mostly, we don’t think in those terms. But we do feel that the special relationship will save or fix us or make us whole somehow. The idea is that this other person, be it parent, sibling, friend, lover, or partner will supply our lack. We are drawn to them because we see them as the source of Love, Which is an experience of Wholeness.

In the special relationship, the person of the other matters. Their body, personality, and character is what we look to, to supply our lack. Often, it’s because unconsciously and/or consciously they remind us of someone we loved in the past whom we felt met our needs. Sometimes, the special relationship is a special hate relationship where we seek revenge on someone in the past who did not meet our needs through the relationship with the person who now reminds us of them. Often, special love and special hate are mixed in one relationship: “You meet some needs like my mother, but you miss the same ones my father missed.” So you switch between love and hate, making for a very confusing and stressful relationship!

Where you make a special relationship to make yourself whole, the mystical Holy relationship is given from Wholeness Itself. You and another recognize, on a spiritual level, that you are one and the same. Clearly, this Vision does not involve the body’s eyes or the ego’s perceptions! That alone is rattling to your identification with a body and ego. Vision occurs in mind. It reveals that there is more to you than a body and more to your mind than the ego. But that’s only the beginning. If you let it, the Holy relationship teaches you that you don’t need another to make you whole. The mystical Holy relationship is an expression of the Wholeness that you are. Love comes first; adoration of the other’s qualities follows. It is the reverse of the special relationship.

In fact, the mystical Holy relationship isn’t really with another person. In my first mystical Holy relationship, E moved thousands of miles away, but I could still experience the Vision of Oneness just thinking about her. Clearly, then, she was not the source of the Vision. The Vision had to be within me. I learned that the Holy relationship is really with the Holy Spirit (the Awareness of Truth in your mind), and that the Holy relationship that shows up in the world is an expression of that.

In my current mystical Holy relationship, Hannah is across the world from me in Australia. So, again, we do not have to be physically present with each other to experience the Holy Spirit together in our minds. Why we both see and feel me there in form is something we both watch unfold with interest and curiosity. How will Love express Itself through us?

Sometimes when I hear students of A Course in Miracles long for a Holy relationship I see they have confused it with the idea of “soul mates” or some sort of super-charged special relationship. Ah, be careful what you wish for, because it is neither of those things. The Holy relationship is so opposite the special love and/or hate relationship that it is very disorienting at first. Your contexts and paradigms for relationships go out the window. For a while, you don’t quite know how to look at the other.

There can be, as I wrote above, a great sense of loss, too, as the way you used to look for wholeness must fall away. You are left with a sense that you are never going to be whole until you catch on that the Holy relationship is an expression of the Wholeness already here. However, this awareness comes to you, not to the ego, so it continues to scream that you lack. This is why ACIM tells us that sometimes two people in a Holy relationship actively hate each other and never get the lesson. They listen to the ego and never allow the Holy Spirit to finish transforming the relationship into an expression of Love. If the transformation is allowed to become complete, then the relationship is one of pure Joy.

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will said…

This is a great blog.

I’m the observer and I’m watching the ego (my mind in this case) read the blog and I’m reading about a relationship one person is having with another. Only they aren’t. I’m observing the mind going “no, no, no this is BS.” It’s the ego doing its thing. Me? I’m the observer watching from a distance. We’re separate from each other. The mind is over there, I’m over here (in my head). As long as I stay over here as the observer it doesn’t matter about the content. The important thing is I know the ego is not me. I don’t have to jump onboard the roller-coaster.
Inevitably as my discipline fails me I become the identifier. The ego is me. All the crap it is saying I’m responsible for. The ego seeing I’m back again, doubles up on its attack. It’s me doubling up. I can feel the angst rising and soon I will say something. I’ll say whatever the ego tells me to. Puppet on a string.
will said…
In one way, as a student, the content of the blog doesn't matter. The blog is great because it flushes the ego out of hiding where it is easy to see. As soon as it does that, it's a breeze becoming the Observer.
will said…
Of course the content does matter. When I was reading the blog I could picture an already upset mind reading it and going over the deep end. I really was the observer while reading it. And discipline did fail after awhile and I was swept up in the crises of the day. At that point the best I could do was remember observing and how good it felt.
will said…
Definition of Holy Relationship from: Love Does Not Condemn

The Holy Spirit's means to undo the goal of the special relationship by shifting the goal to forgiveness; occurs within the mind, though in the context of a relationship in which two people perceived as separate now join together.
Unknown said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said…
Thank U Liz, this is like reading a storybook and I can’t help but be curios - have U went through a divorce with your wife in form and moved into your own space ?
ACIM Mentor said…
Yvette, yes, I am now divorced. (Nevada. Goes fast). I am currently rattling around our empty house until the sale closes on it. Enjoying the alone time immensely. Then I am going to my sister's before I leave for Australia.
Cairn Hummingbird said…
Hi Liz,
Could you please clarify something. You end this blog with: “They listen to the ego and never allow the Holy Spirit to finish transforming the relationship into an expression of Love. If the transformation is allowed to become complete then the relationship is one of pure Joy.” As far as THEY, are you referring to (1) you and Courtney, (2) You, (3) Courtney, (4) people in general, or (5) something else?
ACIM Mentor said…
Cairn, I was referring to those mentioned in ACIM who have been given a Holy relationship but don't allow the HS to complete transforming their relationship. So it would be among people in general.

Courtney and I have a practical Holy relationship that reached completion in one form. It continues, of course, in a different form. She reports that she is "thriving" on her own now. Phew! I was trusting this time of radical change would be for her, too, and it's good to see that show up so soon.
nicci said…
the ACIM teaching on the reversal of cause and effect continues to deepen my practice and understanding. thank you for strengthening it. endlessly grateful, n
will said…
Wapnick said over and over the course tells you what to do, but if you don’t do what it says the results will be limited. Being in the slipstream has recharged me. The spiritual compulsion to write is very strong. But even with this I am up against my life long struggle with laziness. For instance, I believe practicing being the observer is crucial. But to do that can take considerable effort. I am swimming up stream after all. It reminds me of physical exercise. You can have a good workout but the second you stop it’s “Ah, that’s better.” You look for a cold drink and your chair. When I slip back into being Will (the identifier) it’s “Ah, that’s better.” Once you slip back in you can be there for a long, long time without thinking about practicing any observer stuff. Things to do, things to worry about, other people to take care of, having fun all those things lead away from practice. I am resorting to putting up signs. Probably a lot of you have done this with various things. Appointments and the like. I will put one on the wall that I will be facing when in bed. The other on the wall across the room from my favorite chair. I will put Observer and below Meditation. I think I can hear some minds slam shut at this idea. But I am up against laziness among other things, and once the phone rings, well I’m gone.
hannah said…
i do that all the time will! something else i find super helpful at times to stay mindful is set an alarm on my phone to go off regularly. well actually its an acim workbook app. it chimes at whatever time interval you set it to, with a variety of sounds to pick from. i used to use it while practicing certain lessons, but just as easy of course to set it to chime to remind you of whatever you are practicing.

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