Wholeness and Transformation
It’s no surprise that last week’s article (Committed to the Spiritual Process) rattled a lot of readers. Expectations of what happens when the ego (personal thought system) falls away were shattered. Personal values were challenged.
As I mentioned in that article, from the personal view, it makes no sense to me to change out one partner for another. I’ll encounter the same things with Hannah that I encountered with Courtney; as I would sharing my life with anyone. She’ll have habits that I find endearing one moment and detest the next. She’ll meet some of my needs, but not others. The excitement of a new relationship will pass as we settle in with each other. Ga-ga-in-love-with-each-other stages will come and go over time, with less and less frequency. For a long while I thought if Courtney left or died I wouldn’t seek out another partner. Who the hell wants to start all over with a new person and have to navigate those first couple of years where you both accidently step in emotional and psychological landmines all the time? Yuck. I was happy and whole. I was not seeking for anything. A new relationship would only bring change that I didn’t feel a need for.
Ah, but there’s another view of change. One that shows that change is not about fulfilling personal desire and needs. I call it the “holistic view”. This view is the understanding that what shows up “out there” is an expression. You may feel that you are motivated by lack, but change occurs in the self’s life to reflect changes in your mind. I reached completion with the ego. And in so doing, I reached completion with a marriage made when I was ego-identified. A new kind of partnership, a Holy relationship, has shown up to express where this mind is now.
Truth is Whole. It is One and the Same throughout. Even in its erroneous, fragmented state, mind cannot get away from wholeness. But sameness is impossible in diverse form. So, in the universe of form, wholeness shows up as transformation.
In the holistic view you understand that even at the level of form there is no loss, only conversion. Biology shows us the cycle of life, birth-death-rebirth-or-repurposing. A leaf falls to the ground, decomposes, and feeds new life. An animal dies and other animals and microbes feed off of it. A fire destroys a forest and quickly new growth appears in the midst of what looks like devastation. Life is not lost; just transformed.
Physics shows us that energy and matter are the same. Matter may seem to change, but energy is never lost.
And so it is with your life. Someone or something falls away and makes room for what better reflects a new state of mind. If you look back over your life, you will see when things shifted away they made room for new people, situations, or experiences that reflected your internal change.
What is hard to convey to others in this experience I am having is how wholly gone is the old Liz. This does not feel like a continuation of that narrative. A whole new life is beginning. I am dismantling a stranger’s life. I feel I am to bring it down to as close to zero as I can. I wrote three weeks ago about the new Animator-of-the-self Who has come to live through this consciousness (The Stranger Within). It is as though who I thought I was died, but I remained conscious, and now I am having a conscious reincarnation. What is emerging in this mind is closer to What is.
One of the most confounding parts of my experience with Hannah when we acknowledged our Holy relationship was the sense that I was already Joyously partnered with her on every level, despite appearances. I heard, “This is your new partner. Get to know her.” But it wasn’t like I was getting to know someone new. It was like I was getting to know someone I was already with on another level. The conscious level, where she was a near-stranger, was out of sync with a higher level, where we are already joined. So while to the world it looks as though I left Courtney for Hannah, for me Courtney’s Liz died, and Hannah is already the emerging Liz’s partner. I have told Courtney that I feel she is more the old Liz’s widow than my ex. I do not expect anyone to understand this. But, for me, this explains the wholesale transformation in the outer life occurring for this self.
So I have no sense of sacrifice or loss. Just dramatic outward change that reflects a dramatic change that has already occurred within. The grief I feel is no deeper than what I’d feel watching a sad movie. The changes, inner and outer, as well as the shallowness of feeling, is sometimes baffling and disconcerting. It’s an adjustment. But I have a willingness I can only call a miracle.
In the holistic view, I trust that this unfolding is for all, not just for me or for me and Hannah. This transformation is for Courtney, too. A year ago Love came exploding into the spaciousness of this mind left when the ego fell away. And this is Its continuing expression. How could this not reflect wholeness for everyone?
A mentor is someone who walks the path ahead of you. If you want to benefit from my experience and perhaps shorten your process, email me at Liz@acimmentor.com to set up an appointment. Learn more at www.acimmentor.com.
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