Wholeness and Transformation

It’s no surprise that last week’s article (Committed to the Spiritual Process) rattled a lot of readers. Expectations of what happens when the ego (personal thought system) falls away were shattered. Personal values were challenged.

As I mentioned in that article, from the personal view, it makes no sense to me to change out one partner for another. I’ll encounter the same things with Hannah that I encountered with Courtney; as I would sharing my life with anyone. She’ll have habits that I find endearing one moment and detest the next. She’ll meet some of my needs, but not others. The excitement of a new relationship will pass as we settle in with each other. Ga-ga-in-love-with-each-other stages will come and go over time, with less and less frequency. For a long while I thought if Courtney left or died I wouldn’t seek out another partner. Who the hell wants to start all over with a new person and have to navigate those first couple of years where you both accidently step in emotional and psychological landmines all the time? Yuck. I was happy and whole. I was not seeking for anything. A new relationship would only bring change that I didn’t feel a need for.

Ah, but there’s another view of change. One that shows that change is not about fulfilling personal desire and needs. I call it the “holistic view”. This view is the understanding that what shows up “out there” is an expression. You may feel that you are motivated by lack, but change occurs in the self’s life to reflect changes in your mind. I reached completion with the ego. And in so doing, I reached completion with a marriage made when I was ego-identified. A new kind of partnership, a Holy relationship, has shown up to express where this mind is now.

Truth is Whole. It is One and the Same throughout. Even in its erroneous, fragmented state, mind cannot get away from wholeness. But sameness is impossible in diverse form. So, in the universe of form, wholeness shows up as transformation.

In the holistic view you understand that even at the level of form there is no loss, only conversion. Biology shows us the cycle of life, birth-death-rebirth-or-repurposing. A leaf falls to the ground, decomposes, and feeds new life. An animal dies and other animals and microbes feed off of it. A fire destroys a forest and quickly new growth appears in the midst of what looks like devastation. Life is not lost; just transformed.

Physics shows us that energy and matter are the same. Matter may seem to change, but energy is never lost.

And so it is with your life. Someone or something falls away and makes room for what better reflects a new state of mind. If you look back over your life, you will see when things shifted away they made room for new people, situations, or experiences that reflected your internal change.

What is hard to convey to others in this experience I am having is how wholly gone is the old Liz. This does not feel like a continuation of that narrative. A whole new life is beginning. I am dismantling a stranger’s life. I feel I am to bring it down to as close to zero as I can. I wrote three weeks ago about the new Animator-of-the-self Who has come to live through this consciousness (The Stranger Within). It is as though who I thought I was died, but I remained conscious, and now I am having a conscious reincarnation. What is emerging in this mind is closer to What is.

One of the most confounding parts of my experience with Hannah when we acknowledged our Holy relationship was the sense that I was already Joyously partnered with her on every level, despite appearances. I heard, “This is your new partner. Get to know her.” But it wasn’t like I was getting to know someone new. It was like I was getting to know someone I was already with on another level. The conscious level, where she was a near-stranger, was out of sync with a higher level, where we are already joined. So while to the world it looks as though I left Courtney for Hannah, for me Courtney’s Liz died, and Hannah is already the emerging Liz’s partner. I have told Courtney that I feel she is more the old Liz’s widow than my ex. I do not expect anyone to understand this. But, for me, this explains the wholesale transformation in the outer life occurring for this self.

So I have no sense of sacrifice or loss. Just dramatic outward change that reflects a dramatic change that has already occurred within. The grief I feel is no deeper than what I’d feel watching a sad movie. The changes, inner and outer, as well as the shallowness of feeling, is sometimes baffling and disconcerting. It’s an adjustment. But I have a willingness I can only call a miracle.

In the holistic view, I trust that this unfolding is for all, not just for me or for me and Hannah. This transformation is for Courtney, too. A year ago Love came exploding into the spaciousness of this mind left when the ego fell away. And this is Its continuing expression. How could this not reflect wholeness for everyone?

A mentor is someone who walks the path ahead of you. If you want to benefit from my experience and perhaps shorten your process, email me at Liz@acimmentor.com to set up an appointment. Learn more at www.acimmentor.com.

If you have a question the answer to which you think will help others email it to me at Liz@acimmentor.com and indicate that you want it answered in the newsletter/blog.


Christine said…
It's so clear.I think a majority of us who have followed your blog, called and been mentored by you have shifted along with you in a way. I kind of thought over a year ago, that you were winding down your ACIM mentor blog and were going to say you were done. Which would have been understandable. Just reading your posts, for ten years now (!) and watching the evolution of your personal self/ego/split mind become less and less there...I truly thought you were going to disappear! You have, in a way, the old Liz, so this makes sense. I also understand by experiencing it myself, how you still get angry, impatient, etc. but these episodes do not last...with less or no ego, there is no meaning to being hurt, angry, sad, or even triumphant.
So, thanks for sharing...glad you will still be mentoring and writing. Your books, along with the writings of Kenneth Wapnick, Mary Baker Eddy, Joel Goldsmith are my favorites. You've helped a lot of us along the way.
ACIM Mentor said…
Christine, thank you.
hannah said…
in the book im currently reading, 'when fear falls away', jan frazier also talks about the shallowness of feeling of the new self, who can recall the old self but cannot re-enter it, she also likens it to watching a movie. she also found the shallowness of feeling baffling and disconcerting at first, it took her quite some time to acclimate, yet was also aware that the falling away of grief and fear etc, left 'room' for awareness of the reality of us all that grief fear etc did not leave room for/wasnt compatible with.

ah... Laurie, if youre reading,. lol.. i just found a clearer way to say this re the template.. truth and not-truth are oil and water, they cant mix. truth doesnt change the template of not truth any more than not-truth can change the nature of truth. but because Truth is Love, and is inherent in our being, we *can* experience the template (which includes pain, grief etc) without SUFFERING.

hannah said…
i can understand to some degree this shallowness of feeling, because of the two experiences of Complete, undisturbable Love i have had, and how in that space there was no experience of victim, and so no victimiser either.. and so, no guilt..** my nephew was suicidal and i was in extreme pain with his pain, and in the sudden full recognition that i couldnt do a damn thing about his pain, not in any way that changed it. it was very real to me that life was not fair, that there were innocent victims and if not direct victimisers, some great, cold 'force' dishing out random unfair shit. i thought well what is the f****** point of life, if even a spiritual path cannot guarantee the ability to at least alleviate pain, what the hell use is ANY of this? then i heard the words "not my will be done but Gods" (not a phrase id contemplated even once in my study of acim) flicked into that space of Pure Love, which was so very clearly much Realer than the regular view, it was like waking up for a while, where victims and victimisers just do not even exist. and, i my rather silly, thoughtless naivety at the time, i went rushing around to everyone trying to share what i had just seen, and what i got back, quite understandably, was a lot of "youre insane" and "youre heartless". its not like, while that experience lasted, i didnt feel for taran and didnt prefer that he was experiencing otherwise, but there was this other Vision that knew that even that preference was just a personal thing which didnt effect the truth in me/us, and was both loving but in some way arrogant.. the picture all fits together in some way beyond my individual mind to have any justified ideas of what should or should not be happening. of course its natural for me to desire peace and a pain free life for taran.. but that doesnt mean things SHOULD be different than they are. anyhow, the point i actually meant to make was that there was not any coldness in that place where the feelings of pain were shallow, only much Greater love. apparently those who reside in 'detached from the human identity' space feels a detachment of sorts not only from personal pain, but also from personal attainment.. i can kinda get that too, as the Pure Love space was so whole.. and so much of the happiness of the personal is about getting our needs met, a feeling of lack fulfilled.

**(oh gosh writing that i just had a deepening experience.. part intellectual, part.. oh.. undefinable opening. it flashed through me that .. oh.. "god/truth/love" remains WHOLE! oh, how to say that.. its like.. up til that point i had in some way been focusing more on not experiencing being a victim, but what i just FELT was that i am not a victimiser!!!! and the victim feeling fell away AFTER that.)

i have been vacillating a lot the last few weeks, between feeling guilt and no guilt. i just felt so clearly how the victim/victimser thing is the belief that holds "God/Peace/Truth" away. if im believing in that, i CANNOT know myself! i had an experience a few weeks back where i saw fear was NOT real, but a TOOL used by the ego to try and keep itself real in mind, in other words to try and hide its non existence. only just occurred to me now, that since then my experience of fear has only grown.. well, that, maybe not as surprisingly as i first expereinced it, just strengthened my resolve to follow the Voice and trust. PTS seriously threatened here..
hannah said…
odd thing.. when i checked my emails just now. lauries post asking about the template thing arrived in my inbox *again* as well!
Jeremy said…
Liz, thank you for sharing all of this with your readers. It makes perfect sense to me.
will said…
Hannah - Thanks for sharing your experiences and stuff you were thinking.
hannah said…
wtp, youre welcome. i went pretty much straight from that miracle of innocence (flash of higher miracle, maybe not surprising the kickback) experience to raging guilt.. just crazy feeling. just now i finally feel calm again, not judging my pts quite as much, and not listening to it on some counts anymore. peeling away layers of attachment to looped thinking. at least.. thats what i HOPE is happening! wouldnt be much point in sharing all this, maybe, but also maybe it will be of help to someone sometime, to see what can happen to the pts when the light within, and in reflection in HR with another, shines too bright for its comfort.
Atmos Black said…
Thank you for your personal sharing! I'm a long time reader and admirer of your work and it is the first time that I feel like leaving a comment, because I can totally relate to many of your stories - also in the relationship field.

I grew up with Advaita Vedanta and back then the word ego was frowned upon. "You still got an ego?" - a serious flaw.
I spent many years spiritualizing and denying it - even believing that it had already died.
Only thanks to the Course and rediscovering my roots in its teachings, I became friends with the tiny voice inside my mind, that was still there - covered up behind a shitload of spiritual concepts I had collected over 25+ years.
For me it has become clear, as long as there is the appearance of a world in any form, there is still an ego. This is the primary sign, if I start to believe that "it" has gone. The 🕊then gently whispers in my ears: "Do you experience a world?" and I come back to sanity again and to the only thing that can ever be done: deciding which voice to listen to.

The way I see it, your old ego structure has collapsed (something that also happened to me too) and got replaced by a new shiny ego. This is nothing to be worried about. It happens inside the dream.
Such a sudden change of ego structures can lead people to end up in a mental hospital or "simply" to radical changes in their life situation.
Yes, the old Liz has died, but there seems to be a new one - she may not hear to the word "ego", but since this new personality can still distinguish between her old partner and her new, between the US and Australia and what is good for her and what not, she is still by definition an ego. This is ok, especially since a Holy Relationship is primarily between the decision maker and the Holy Spirit and on the level of content.

I wish you all the best with your new life in a new country! This does sound like an exciting dream you are having!

Much Love,
Deb said…
I had to pause and ask myself, have I forgiven the idea of liz?
Anonymous said…

I'll be honest, these last few blogs just sound like someone trying to justify their choices, but with a spiritual tint on it. Even statements about the ego "falling away" sounds like something the ego would say. I may be completely wrong, but have you considered that you have simply adopted a new version of the ego, a more "spiritual" version of it, and hence, a new special relationship has come into play to reflect your new spiritual ego? I just can't believe this whole thing about a "higher, evolved" relationship or whatever, as if your relationship of 24 years was some common piece of dung, but now, you've struck gold. It just sounds like someone getting a fancy new sports car and trying to justify spending all their money on it, but in this case, we're using spiritual terms such as "being joined at a higher level and needing to re-synch". That sounds like ego nonsense to me.

Sorry, just thought I'd put this out there. I know it won't change anything, but that's just how I've felt reading these last blogs, after having read your blog for years. And if you don't have an ego anymore, as you claim, then I'm sure you won't mind a few harsher comments. bat
laurie said…

What are pts? All that I can think of is 'personal tantrums'...:-)
laurie said…
Atmos Black,

Loved your comment, and I concur with all of what you said and with the 'matter of fact' way you said it. Your well wishes at the end sound sincere as well and a stark contrast to a feeling I get from reading some other peoples comments. Some of them sound more like they are hiding a 'and I hope you fall flat on your face Liz...' attitude.

I know I've had that thought once or twice. :-) :-)

The HS quickly set me straight on that one though (after I brought it to Him)...lol
A... said…
We are to bring OUR willingness over and over to the Holy Spirit, to help us hear Him so we can forgive and go home. What did you mean when you thanked Hannah for HER willingness and that it was a miracle? I’m sorry, but I do agree with a few of the posts above, that you are definitely acting from ego, and are not as far along as you think. I thought if you still have an emotional charge about experiences that are happening to you, you are still acting from ego. The way it came across to me, just seems that you are super excited about starting a new life with a new person. And defending the decision to everyone by saying, oh we’ll be all over each other for a good while, but it will wane, we will be ga-ga for each other and then annoy each other and eventually settle into regular old life. You’re looking ahead to future happenings. I thought an egoless person doesn’t see future or past? It just feels like a train wreck we’re all eagerly watching.
ACIM Mentor said…
A, I don't experience gratitude as an emotional charge. Just as Love.

And thank you so much for your honesty! "...a train wreck we're all eagerly watching." No feigned concern here! I'm with Christine. Much better to have people's honest feelings out in the open.
will said…
George Fordham said…
Thank you, Liz and Hanna for such openness in a situation that belongs only between you both and God.The Holy Spirit is our only Guide, and He walks with us all in Love and we are thankful that this is so. He shows us the wider picture here when we do not perceive our own best interests.May Liz and Hanna's dreams continue " down under " as we say here in the UK. and may we all share their happiness ! My love to all.
ACIM Mentor said…
Thank you, George.
hannah said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
hannah said…
George, thank you :)

this is SPOT ON xx

'The Holy Spirit is our only Guide, and He walks with us all in Love and we are thankful that this is so. He shows us the wider picture here when we do not perceive our own best interests.'

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