Clarifying the Holy Relationship
As another Holy relationship has come into my life, several
readers have mentioned that they thought the Holy relationship was with the
Holy Spirit (Awareness of Truth in your mind) not with another. It is both. It
is with another through the Holy Spirit.
In A Course in
Miracles, the Holy relationship, one of its chief teaching tools (along
with the Holy Instant it expresses), is introduced in Chapter 17 (part V) in
“The Healed Relationship”. From then on it never lets it go! And it is very
clear throughout that it is referring to the relationship between Helen
Schucman and Bill Thetford.
“A relationship,
undertaken by two individuals for their unholy purposes, suddenly has holiness
for its goal.” (T-17.V.5)
I have experienced the Holy relationship in two ways:
mystical and practical. ACIM teaches both, but the labels are mine. The Holy
relationship in the Text is clearly mystical. But in the supplement to ACIM,
Psychotherapy: Purpose, Process and Practice, Helen and Bill are being taught
how to turn their relationships with their psychotherapy patients into
practical Holy relationships. And the Workbook is full of examples of using
relationships as classrooms.
Many readers questioning the Holy relationship quote Ken
Wapnick. He seems to describe the practical Holy relationship. I am not sure if
he ever experienced a mystical Holy relationship. They are not the same, but
the mystical Holy relationship is also, in practice, a practical Holy
relationship.
The mystical Holy relationship involves spiritual Vision.
You and another actually see and experience your Oneness (wholeness/sameness)
together.
“Did you see the
holiness that shone in both you and your brother, to bless the other? That is
the purpose of your holy relationship.” (T-20.III.8)
“A holy relationship
starts from a different premise. Each one has looked within and seen no lack.
Accepting his completion, he would extend it by joining with another, whole as
himself. He sees no difference between these selves, for differences are only
of the body.” (T-22.in.3)
“This is the function
of your holy relationship. For what one thinks, the other will experience with
him. What can this mean except your mind and your brother's are one?”
(T-22.VI.13)
Though seen with one another, you recognize that the Oneness
you see is not exclusive to the two of you. The dropping of the boundaries
between your two minds makes you aware that, in Truth, there are no boundaries
between any seemingly-separate minds. There is only One Mind.
The mystical Holy relationship is an expression of the Holy Spirit within you. Each one is unique,
though the content is the same. It occurs when you are ready to accept this
miraculous Vision. It deeply threatens the ego (personal thought system) in
your mind as it undoes it, so it will only occur when you are ready to face
this.
“Those who have joined
their brothers have detached themselves from their belief that their identity
lies in the ego. A holy relationship is one in which you join with what is part
of you in truth. And your belief in sin has been already shaken, nor are you
now entirely unwilling to look within and see it not.” (T-21.IV.3)
The practical Holy relationship does not involve spiritual Vision.
It is a choice you make to use a relationship to learn of the Holy Spirit
within you. Rather than seeking for wholeness in another, you turn inward to
the Holy Spirit instead. Your relationship with the other is then the means for growing your relationship with
(awareness of) the Holy Spirit within.
“God's Teacher speaks
to any two who join together for learning purposes. The relationship is holy
because of that purpose, and God has promised to send His Spirit into any holy
relationship.” (M-2.5)
So both experiences of the Holy relationship involve the
Holy Spirit and another. A mystical Holy relationship between you and another comes from your relationship with the
Holy Spirit. A practical Holy relationship between you and another is how you
deepen your relationship with (awareness of) the Holy Spirit.
Two questions I’m often asked is whether or not the Holy
relationship can be one-sided and does it extend to everyone. It is possible to
experience spiritual Vision of another without their awareness. In fact, the
Vision of the mystical naturally extends to your other relationships. So what
begins with one extends to all others.
“Think
what a holy relationship can teach! Here is belief in differences undone. Here
is the faith in differences shifted to sameness. And here is sight of
differences transformed to vision. Reason now can lead you and your brother to
the logical conclusion of your union. It must extend, as you extended when you
and he joined. It must reach out beyond itself, as you reached out beyond the
body, to let you and your brother be joined. And now the sameness that you saw
extends and finally removes all sense of differences, so that the sameness that
lies beneath them all becomes apparent. Here is the golden circle where you
recognize the Son of God. For what is born into a holy relationship can never
end.” (T-22.in.3-4)
The practical Holy relationship is a choice you make to use
a relationship as a classroom to learn from the Holy Spirit whether or not the
other is doing the same. That attitude and approach also naturally extends to
your other relationships. In fact, the first shift students of ACIM make is to
use every situation as an opportunity to learn from the Holy Spirit. This makes
everything a Holy relationship for you!
However, you can see by the quotes above and below that what
ACIM means by a “Holy relationship”, whether mystical or practical, is one
where both parties are conscious of Oneness (mystical) and/or have chosen
together to use the relationship as a classroom (practical). The term is meant
to describe a specific type of intentional relationship between two people.
“To each who walks
this earth in seeming solitude is a savior given, whose special function here
is to release him, and so to free himself.” (T-20.IV.5)
“The ark of peace is
entered two by two, yet the beginning of another world goes with them.”
(T-20.IV.6)
“…I said before that
the first change, before dreams disappear, is that your dreams of fear are
changed to happy dreams. That is what the Holy Spirit does in the special
relationship. He does not destroy it, nor snatch it away from you. But He does
use it differently, as a help to make His purpose real to you. The special relationship will remain, not as a source of
pain and guilt, but as a source of joy and freedom. It will not be for you
alone, for therein lay its misery. As its unholiness kept it a thing apart, its
holiness will become an offering to everyone.” (T-18.II.6)
>>>>>
If you want to benefit from my
experience and lighten your process, email me at Liz@acimmentor.com
to set up an appointment for mentoring. Learn more at www.acimmentor.com.
Comments
Never have truer words been spoken. The misery of two people together is each grasping for their separate needs. I have had a lifetime of this behavior. The ego wanting and needing for itself.
so as long as you identify as a separate individual youre always going to 'need' (use) 'others' to relate to, be it holy or special, as you journey toward realising that all seeming 'relationships' reflect and in fact are the one Actual 'relationship'. (mind shifting from relating to itself (self concepts), to knowing itself (just being)). but you sure dont need one of the 'other minds' to be aware of the relationship as holy, be it practical or mystical, for it to be experienced so within your 'own' mind.
Healing is a thought by which two minds perceive their oneness and become glad. This gladness calls to every part of the Sonship to rejoice with them, and lets God go out into them and through them.”
Chapter 5, Text.
Receiving the Holy Spirit through others is as difficult to understand as it is to do. To first attempt it gives rise to feelings of phoniness. The ego would block us from trying by mocking us. It is uncomfortable in its newness.
As with most things of this nature, we (the ego) are not the ones doing it. Our job is to put ourselves in a spiritual place where He can can help us. Spirituality will happen through us. We follow the same process as other things in the course. We talk to the Holy Spirit about what we are trying to do and ask His help. You can be sure He will hear you and respond. If we feel confusion it may not be the time to attempt it. Perhaps there are other things the Holy Spirit would have us do. As always we remember we are not setting the course but following His instructions.
What does it mean to follow the lead of the Holy Spirit or Jesus? For most of us talking to Jesus seems to be a one way conversation. We talk and all we get in return is silence. After awhile it can get frustrating and we say "What's the use?" Like us Jesus had the same frustrations. In spirituality silence is the Holy Spirit talking. It takes a lot of practice to hear Him. We may feel a certainty about a course of action. It just feels right. Perhaps we will read something or someone will be talking and we know we were supposed to see it or hear it. A great joy of the Course is over time you will intuitively know what the Holy Spirit is saying. Yes, it takes time and commitment but you can be sure the Holy Spirit will let you know he is there; so listen!
and to thank you for your help and guidance. it has showed up strongly this week with your translation of the Course's use of the word freedom into limitlessness. this subtle exchange has had the effect of deepening my understanding and enriching my practice, drawing me more deeply into Love.
thank you ever, n
I'm glad you find my teaching useful.
"Through past experience I have become familiar with many types and levels of silence. There is a silence within; a silence that defends from without; a silence that stills existance; and a silence that engulfs the entire universe. There is a silence of the self and it's faculties of will, thought, memory, and emotions. There is a silence in which there is nothing, a silence in which there is something; and finally, a silence of no self and the silence of God."
'The Experience Of No Self', by Bernadette Roberts
Well, no harm done...
Do you remember the passage where Jesus is giving an example of our role as Teachers. One of them was of a little boy brushing up against us in an elevator.
"The simplest level of teaching appears to be quite superficial. It consists of what seem to be very casual encounters; a "chance" meeting of two apparent strangers in an elevator, a child who is not looking where he is going running into an adult "by chance," two students "happening" to walk home together. These are not chance encounters. Each of them has the potential for becoming a teaching-learning situation. Perhaps the seeming strangers in the elevator will smile to one another; perhaps the adult will not scold the child for bumping into him; perhaps the students will become friends. Even at the level of the most casual encounter, it is possible for two people to lose sight of separate interests, if only for a moment. That moment will be enough. Salvation has come." (M-3.2)
What happened tonight is a reference to the (M-3.2) quote Liz posted. I had been out shooting sunset pictures and on the spare of the moment decided to drive up to Jerome to get some night pictures of the town. Originally I had been on my way to do a Wal-Mart shop and got side tracked. I was pretty tired by the time I got there. It was the tiredness where you say to yourself "Just keep moving, you'll be done soon enough and can head home." I am the Holy Spirits go to guy for people shopping in Wal-Mart in their pajamas (or anything else). I know these folks very well. I was standing in an isle looking at the Crystal Light so I could make some lemon aide when I got home. On the other side of the isle was the hard liquor. I guy comes up to me in his pajamas, he is a little maniac but not too bad. He says, "The good stuff is right behind you." I smiled and said, "You got that right"! and then said it had been a long time since I had had a drink and he said "You too, I haven't had a drink in four months. Were you alcoholic"? I said yes and he said he was a half a fifth drinker every night but he had to stop because of his meds. I asked him what he was taking and he ran off this list of drugs that I recognized as medicine for Bipolar Disorder and asked him if he was bipolar. He got pretty excited saying, "How did you know that??" I said I used to work mental health. So we walked together up to the cashiers and I wished him good luck.
So the question is, do you have to be spiritually aware at the moment this teaching is taking place? I was tired and pleasant but certainly not thinking of this blog when it was taking place. It didn't dawn on me until I was on the way home. The course says "Each of them has the "potential" for becoming a teaching-learning situation". What does that mean, potential?
In the example you gave, you did become conscious of this afterward rather than in the midst of the situation.