Does the Truth Hurt?
The third stage through which the teacher of God must go can be called "a period of relinquishment." If this is interpreted as giving up the desirable, it will engender enormous conflict. Few teachers of God escape this distress entirely. There is, however, no point in sorting out the valuable from the valueless unless the next obvious step is taken. Therefore, the period of overlap is apt to be one in which the teacher of God feels called upon to sacrifice his own best interests on behalf of truth. He has not realized as yet how wholly impossible such a demand would be. He can learn this only as he actually does give up the valueless. Through this, he learns that where he anticipated grief, he finds a happy lightheartedness instead; where he thought something was asked of him, he finds a gift bestowed on him. (M-4.I.A.5)
Students share with me that they find themselves hurt or angry or depressed as they study the Course and their old belief system falls away. I tell them this is a good thing! Not that I want anyone to be depressed, but they would not be feeling this way if they didn’t believe what the Course said about Truth. If it wasn’t sinking in, if it was still just an idea, they would not be feeling a sense of loss.
Of course, these same students also report more peace and a deep sense of relief as they begin to understand the world is not real. You are really in pain only to the degree to which you still identify with ego. As long as you only intellectually understand the Course, it will seem as if you are being asked to give up yourself. This is frightening and depressing. This is why opening yourself to the experience of Truth is so important.
Focus on the Truth, not on the unreality of the world. In this way, your identity begins to shift and you begin to understand that separation from God is not real. True forgiveness becomes possible only after this shift. The compelling nature of Truth makes letting go of the world of illusions natural and undoes any sense of sacrifice.
www.acimmentor.com
Students share with me that they find themselves hurt or angry or depressed as they study the Course and their old belief system falls away. I tell them this is a good thing! Not that I want anyone to be depressed, but they would not be feeling this way if they didn’t believe what the Course said about Truth. If it wasn’t sinking in, if it was still just an idea, they would not be feeling a sense of loss.
Of course, these same students also report more peace and a deep sense of relief as they begin to understand the world is not real. You are really in pain only to the degree to which you still identify with ego. As long as you only intellectually understand the Course, it will seem as if you are being asked to give up yourself. This is frightening and depressing. This is why opening yourself to the experience of Truth is so important.
Focus on the Truth, not on the unreality of the world. In this way, your identity begins to shift and you begin to understand that separation from God is not real. True forgiveness becomes possible only after this shift. The compelling nature of Truth makes letting go of the world of illusions natural and undoes any sense of sacrifice.
www.acimmentor.com
Comments
You need to find out exactly what you are telling yourself when you find yourself quitting the Workbook. The ego's resistance is very strong, and for some reason at that point it's saying something that you are believing. Take this to the Holy Spirit and listen deeper to what the ego is saying. The Workbook is essential.
1) Sometimes we see it as "I am being asked" but really what is happening is you are seeing what is unfolding for you. You are on a path where you will give up being a victim. But this will not happen until you are ready for it to happen.
As ACIM says, you are only responsible for accepting this for yourself. It is not your responsibility to enlighten others. If formal teaching is not natural to you, you will not be asked to do it.
2) When you are ready you will have glimpses of Vision and then be back in the world. Yes, the contrast is painful. But you won't sustain Vision until you have undone the obstacles (guilt and fear) that keep you from sustaining Vision. In time you will learn to not cling to those glimpses of Vision but to be grateful to see Where you are headed. They will motivate you to work through your obstacles. When you are ready to be at peace it won't be work. It will be natural to do the things you need to do to be at peace.
3) I have never been a social person. And I am still not a social person. I have always been a loner and enjoy being alone. I began as painfully shy. I later simply preferred my own company. This path has not led to me being inauthentic as a person. It has made me more comfortable and accepting of this person. Having said that, if the reason you don't want to be around people is fear, then it may be that your authentic personality is more social than you allow. You are avoiding people because they may hurt you, not because it is simply natural for you to be alone. Also, many people who are co-dependent fear being around others because they feel responsible for them. (This was me). If others are unhappy or have problems the co-dependent feels a panicky sense of "I have to fix this for them." This can make one avoid others, too. So you may need to sort out if you are truly a loner or if you are truly social and are avoiding people out of fear.
The fears you have listed here are exactly the kind of beliefs that are obstacles to peace. It is good that you are letting them come into your conscious awareness so that they can be undone.
Yes, being a victim seems to have a very strong hold on me right now but I sure am willing to let it go because the consequences, pain and the split in my mind is almost unbearable to look at anymore. I experience the split so severely that something just must give way for me to be at peace eventually.
I'll make an effort to remind myself that I need only accept the atonement for myself. I think you are right in what you said that I may be a little more social than I allow. I am frightened of hearing about people's problems because I do get that panicky feeling that I have to fix them and feel l never know how. But from now on I will remember that I don't need to fix anything except my misperceptions about having to fix others and let go of the guilt associated with them.
Thank you for always being here and for always responding so quickly.