You Won't Lose the Special Relationship
I have said repeatedly that the Holy Spirit would not deprive you of your special relationships, but would transform them. And all that is meant by that is that He will restore to them the function given them by God. (T-17.IV.2)
Until I experienced the holy relationship, my sole goal in life was to find Ms. Right and to live happily ever after with her. This special relationship was supposed to be my salvation, though I would not have put it that way. But I did expect it to fulfill me, make me happy and bring me peace – salvation by other names.
I’ve written before about my experience with the holy relationship soon after becoming a student of A Course in Miracles when I was 21 years old (http://acimmentor.blogspot.com/2006/02/holy-relationship.html). The holy relationship was the experience that, like the revelations I wrote about last time, taught me that everything the Course was saying about Oneness was true. Through revelations I experienced Oneness with God; through the miracle of the holy relationship I experienced Oneness with another.
The Course talks about a holy relationship in which two people are having an experience of Oneness with the other at the same time. It goes into great detail about the experience and the initial difficulties you will have with it and your ego’s desire to get rid of it. The woman I experienced it with – I will call her E – was in my life for less than a year. I wanted to spend my life with her; she did not want this. Eventually, she moved to another country. Despite this, I continued to experience Oneness – and the immeasurable joy it brings -- just thinking about her. I learned that the holy relationship had nothing to do with bodies/egos, that it was Spirit recognizing its Self in another. Spirit is always with me; my only real relationship is with Spirit.
Do you prefer that you be right or happy? (T-29.VII.1).
Despite the joy the experience of the holy relationship brought me, I was angry that E had left my life and that the illusion of specialness had been stripped from my eyes. I vacillated between moments of immense joy and weeks of angry depression for many, many years. The lessons of the holy relationship do not end with the first person you experience it with. They extend into all your relationships. I could not maintain the illusion of the special relationship as salvation so I began to see it as purposeless. I still wanted someone to share my life with, but I was confused. What was the purpose of the special relationship if not the one I had given it -- to “save” me?
By the time I met my life-partner nine years later my anger had cooled down and I had mostly gotten over E. My partner is not a student of the Course and does not accept its ideas, yet I still catch glimpses of the exact same Oneness with her – and with others – that I experienced with E. My relationship with my partner is still special in that I am madly in love with her and she with me and I am closer to her than to anyone, but the real love I have for her is the same love I have for everyone. She is my lover, my best friend, my partner in every way, my teacher and life-coach – but she is not my salvation, my “better-half” or my “soul mate”.
Just as the Course says, you do not lose the special relationship when you turn it over to the Holy Spirit. It was “purified” for me. In the beginning of my relationship with my life-partner I still had some Cinderella ideas to get over but this was not too painful because I had already learned that Wholeness was within me, not found in another. My primary relationship is with God and so I do not look to my partner to “fulfill my needs”. This takes the pressure off of her because I can accept her as she is; I don’t need her to be something for me. We are still so in love and very happy together after 13 years because of this.
The Holy Spirit knows no one is special. Yet He also perceives that you have made special relationships, which He would purify and not let you destroy. However unholy the reason you made them may be, He can translate them into holiness by removing as much fear as you will let Him. You can place any relationship under His care and be sure that it will not result in pain, if you offer Him your willingness to have it serve no need but His. All the guilt in it arises from your use of it. All the love from His. Do not, then, be afraid to let go your imagined needs, which would destroy the relationship. Your only need is His. (T-15.V.5)
>>>>
Receive this bi-weekly blog directly in your email by contacting Liz@acimmentor.com.Now available at www.acimmentor.com: Understanding A Course in Miracles: A Quick Reference for Students.
Until I experienced the holy relationship, my sole goal in life was to find Ms. Right and to live happily ever after with her. This special relationship was supposed to be my salvation, though I would not have put it that way. But I did expect it to fulfill me, make me happy and bring me peace – salvation by other names.
I’ve written before about my experience with the holy relationship soon after becoming a student of A Course in Miracles when I was 21 years old (http://acimmentor.blogspot.com/2006/02/holy-relationship.html). The holy relationship was the experience that, like the revelations I wrote about last time, taught me that everything the Course was saying about Oneness was true. Through revelations I experienced Oneness with God; through the miracle of the holy relationship I experienced Oneness with another.
The Course talks about a holy relationship in which two people are having an experience of Oneness with the other at the same time. It goes into great detail about the experience and the initial difficulties you will have with it and your ego’s desire to get rid of it. The woman I experienced it with – I will call her E – was in my life for less than a year. I wanted to spend my life with her; she did not want this. Eventually, she moved to another country. Despite this, I continued to experience Oneness – and the immeasurable joy it brings -- just thinking about her. I learned that the holy relationship had nothing to do with bodies/egos, that it was Spirit recognizing its Self in another. Spirit is always with me; my only real relationship is with Spirit.
Do you prefer that you be right or happy? (T-29.VII.1).
Despite the joy the experience of the holy relationship brought me, I was angry that E had left my life and that the illusion of specialness had been stripped from my eyes. I vacillated between moments of immense joy and weeks of angry depression for many, many years. The lessons of the holy relationship do not end with the first person you experience it with. They extend into all your relationships. I could not maintain the illusion of the special relationship as salvation so I began to see it as purposeless. I still wanted someone to share my life with, but I was confused. What was the purpose of the special relationship if not the one I had given it -- to “save” me?
By the time I met my life-partner nine years later my anger had cooled down and I had mostly gotten over E. My partner is not a student of the Course and does not accept its ideas, yet I still catch glimpses of the exact same Oneness with her – and with others – that I experienced with E. My relationship with my partner is still special in that I am madly in love with her and she with me and I am closer to her than to anyone, but the real love I have for her is the same love I have for everyone. She is my lover, my best friend, my partner in every way, my teacher and life-coach – but she is not my salvation, my “better-half” or my “soul mate”.
Just as the Course says, you do not lose the special relationship when you turn it over to the Holy Spirit. It was “purified” for me. In the beginning of my relationship with my life-partner I still had some Cinderella ideas to get over but this was not too painful because I had already learned that Wholeness was within me, not found in another. My primary relationship is with God and so I do not look to my partner to “fulfill my needs”. This takes the pressure off of her because I can accept her as she is; I don’t need her to be something for me. We are still so in love and very happy together after 13 years because of this.
The Holy Spirit knows no one is special. Yet He also perceives that you have made special relationships, which He would purify and not let you destroy. However unholy the reason you made them may be, He can translate them into holiness by removing as much fear as you will let Him. You can place any relationship under His care and be sure that it will not result in pain, if you offer Him your willingness to have it serve no need but His. All the guilt in it arises from your use of it. All the love from His. Do not, then, be afraid to let go your imagined needs, which would destroy the relationship. Your only need is His. (T-15.V.5)
>>>>
Receive this bi-weekly blog directly in your email by contacting Liz@acimmentor.com.Now available at www.acimmentor.com: Understanding A Course in Miracles: A Quick Reference for Students.
Comments
I know intellectual wholness is within me and thus no partner can fullfill me needs. But how in a practical manner does one connect with God as the primary source when the human nature seems to want human affection as the source?
nothing shall be taken away.
If you have completed the Workbook, then you can go to my website, www.acimmentor.com,and look up the 4 Habits for Inner Peace, which explains how to center your mind in God throughout the day.