Shattered Expectations
Often I have written that this path has not unfolded the way
I thought it would. I had expectations based on what I read, but had not yet
experienced. So they were formed through the filters of my past and what I only
understood so far. Other expectations were formed in guilt and fear. And still
others were based on the specific experiences of others, which were never meant
to be applied to everyone.
There was a time when my study was all in my intellect and I
pushed away my mystical experiences. Intellectual study led to new concepts,
but brought no peace and no clarity. Only experience would bring peace and
clarity. I eventually learned to let my experiences, rather than what I read in
a book, lead the way. And only then did I really understand what I had read.
Thankfully, miraculously, my willingness to experience for
myself overrode my expectations. And this has led to shattered expectations,
but fascinating, illuminating experiences.
My recent articles rattled some of my readers. They
shattered their expectations. Some had expectations of me; some had
expectations of what would happen when the ego (personal thought system) fell
away. Some admit they are rattled, are turning inward to Truth, and are
learning from it. Some are merely redefining what is meant by “ego”, because
their expectations were based on a misunderstanding of what it is. Others
project guilt and fear.
Though my outer world is changing dramatically, for me it is
the internal shift that requires the greater adjustment. A consciousness used
to identifying with a self now has to adjust to being without that identity. It
is mourning the loss of that identification while adjusting to merely observing
the self. It is undoing habits of thinking. It is accepting a Higher
Consciousness that has come to fill the void. The latter is not difficult on
its own. It’s actually quite lovely. But it signals just how huge a shift has
come, and sometimes throws this mind back into shock and grief.
It amuses me when people say I must be wrong about what has
happened in my mind, and the manifestation of that shift in the self’s life,
because it does not fit their expectations of what the experience would be. It’s
not how they’ve interpreted what it says in a book they’ve read! Ah, well, yes,
I was there myself. I know the fear that made me cling to “safe” ideas. And I
know the fear that attended them being shattered. While I am amused at the
arrogance of holding out one’s expectations as more valid than another’s
experience, I do feel compassion for their fearfulness.
I share my experiences so that my readers know what to
expect—the unexpected. How can a mind used to a certain thought system
understand what will happen when it is gone and a whole new Thought System
comes?
>>>>>
A mentor is someone who walks the
path ahead of you. If you want to benefit from my experience and perhaps lighten
your process, email me at Liz@acimmentor.com to set up an appointment. Learn more at www.acimmentor.com.
If you have a question the answer to
which you think will help others email it to me at Liz@acimmentor.com
and indicate that you want it answered in the newsletter/blog.
Comments
That person is no longer with us. She died in the transformation. There is a new person and a new life beginning. We wish them well, but that new life is none of our business.
endless L, n
As Liz was saying I didn’t know it was going to be like this either. But I do know we can’t keep stirring the pot about Liz. People who have used this blog, leaned on it, are in the same boat as Courtney. There is some grieving, some trying to sort things out. Some letting go. The blog is us, the people using it.
I can’t yet wrap my head around what is spiritually happening. It’s a little too much to take in at once. The Holy Spirit showed up and that’s a lot different than reading about it in a book. The ego wants to talk about right and wrong. It wants to stir the pot so there is no silence. But we can’t afford to miss what is happening. The Holy Spirit stepped in and all of a sudden, the Course is Truth. Not intellectual truth but my gut hurts Truth. We have to stay in the slipstream.
ACIM dares us to step beyond the intellect. To step off into a place (atonement) where we have no bearings. It's a free fall. We hope we land safely but there is no guarantee. We are no longer in control of the path; or the outcomes. If someone goes through the process of the atonement where it can be seen it is a tremendous advantage. It really is a miracle.
Years later I was able to see the value in this experience. We cannot learn or live spirituality while the mind is running 100 mph. The mind has to be reined in to a speed that it can hear the Holy Spirit. Learning how to read the text gives us that training.
Can you explain more concisely what you mean by 'the intellect never did a damn thing. It was never autonomous'. Especially the never autonomous part....
im in such a process with this idea right now. the 'never did a damn thing' part was partly pique following from experiences a few weeks back that showed me that 'i and my intellect' were never autonomous. i mean, (at least as i see it now) its true, but when looking at 'non autonomy' from the ego its 'it never did a damn thing, this self is meaningless, whats the point' but looking at it from HS its 'YAY!! it never did a thing! it was all pointless and it didnt matter what i believed, thought or did. Love and Wholeness are eternally So, and THAT is all thats Real of me!'.
um.. how to try and be clear!? i feel like im struggling to express things clearly lately. i guess cos i got two 'realities' going on in here!
but i guess the intellect/autonomy thing (as i see it) is really about level confusion, cause and effect. for me, the intellect has been right at the core of my identity.. "i think therefore i am". my thinking is important because it has real effects. my understanding will get me from a to b. so the intellect, 'who/what i am', and all the feelings that flow from where my intellect takes me, are causal, prove im real and am effective in the world. and of course on one level thats 'true'.. in the world/self the things i do or dont understand have effects which change as my intellect experiences, learns and understands new things. and without that set up, without contrasting experiences and thought, we'd all just accept and stay in a dream of pain as reality. and.. never learn to .. oh.. grow a healthier garden or cook yummier cakes etc :D BUT! i had an experience the other week where i KNEW 'myself' (the thinker, the perceiver, that which has an intellect) as merely a dream figure, an imaginary effect of a cause, of mind. im just an effect! i dont make things happen or not. that 'i' is not real. and then i guess i understand on an intellectual level that only what is Real is Causal, and all it causes is Itself. anything involving perception is outside of Reality, as there is one and another, an observer and an observed. intellect by its nature is part of that, a thinker and the thought about. so even what i experienced, the mind that caused the effect of seemingly autonomous thinker hannah, even THAT cannot be an actual Cause. so me and my intellect are just.. ideas within ideas within ideas and have nothing to do with autonomy, let alone with actual Cause. sometimes the Love and glorious liberation flowing from that realisation are just sublime. but when im in the self its .. a mixture of relief and grief.
feel free to correct and/or add anything liz'beth :)
Laurie.. this section will maybe shed more light on your question than my response: 'chapter 3 -5 beyond perception'.