Correct Use of Denial

True denial is a powerful protective device. You can and should deny any belief that error can hurt you. This kind of denial is not a concealment but a correction. Your right mind depends on it. (T-2.II.2)

When I started my study group a woman who was unfamiliar with the Course came with some friends. She attended for several weeks. One week as we were discussing the ego she said she did not have an ego. It was clear to everyone there from what she had shared before that she most decidedly did identify with an ego. So we all assumed that she misunderstood what the Course means by ego. Several of us explained this to her in various ways. No, no -- she did not have an ego. It did not matter how it was defined – she didn’t identify with it.

You could argue, of course, that she was right, that she does not have an ego. But she clearly demonstrated that she did believe error could hurt her. (As one example, she took the 9/11 terrorist attacks personally.) She used denial to hide her identification with ego rather than to deny the reality of ego.


Of course there was no point in arguing with her. If she didn’t identify with ego, what was there to correct? Why would she turn to the Holy Spirit? Eventually she fell away from the study group.

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Comments

carrie genevachild said…
When I started a study group a woman who was unfamiliar with the Course came with a friend. When I explained that forgiveness is about undoing ego, she said, "I worked a long time to develop my ego and I have no desire to give it up!" She stuck with that position. And eventually left the group.
hannah said…
i just had a wee epiphany around the line 'she clearly demonstrated that she did believe error could hurt her'. thank you!

plus i sent a text to taran yesterday that i the saw had been sent at 9:11 and so i sent him another saying '9:11.. help! help!' cos i thought it would make him laugh. and reading this it popped into my head.. i take HIS pain personally, which is why i struggle to not try to fix him. so i wont be able to be at ease around his pain, until i no longer identify as a separate person? gee whiz, patience with wavering trust in truth is challenging!
ACIM Mentor said…
Hannah, when you can accept that Taran is not your responsibility you will stop taking his pain personally.
hannah said…
Liz, that is a relief! releasing responsibility for others seems like something that is challenging but more likely to happen sooner in time then letting go of ego identity.

i have been practising reminding myself that im not responsible for him, but the worse he feels the harder that is. this tie sin with feeling like a bad person if i dont try and help. a brain tumour he had left his body different than other peoples, and he feels totally disconnected from his peers, unlike-able. he also has a history of neglect and unkindness from his mum and dad. he KNOWS mum and i love him, but he feels like a burden, and (heres the churn in my guts) i sometimes feel like he is. my life is very slow and simple, i HAVE the time for him, yet there are times i dont want to take on what is asked of me. i just want to be an aunt, not a carer. i really think this is selfishness on my part, wanting to stay in this bubble of 'my space'. it did just occur to me that if i didnt feel responsible, MAYBE i would not resent sharing my time and space as much as hed like to. i guess i think he NEEDS the time and space from someone, with no sense of duty involved. i cant see how else, with his perspectives on life, he is to come to know himself as loveable.
ACIM Mentor said…
Hannah, I've known people for whom no amount of loving them made them feel lovable. Since they felt unlovable they couldn't see or accept the love given them. Feeling lovable is something that they have to want and to find within themselves.

If taking care of him feels like a burden then acknowledge that you feel that way without judging yourself. Not every human experience is lovely. And you are correct - if you didn't feel so responsible for fixing him you would not find what you do for him such a burden.

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