Desperately Seeking Me

Everyone makes an ego or a self for himself, which is subject to enormous variation because of its instability. He also makes an ego for everyone else he perceives, which is equally variable. (T-4.II.2)

Whenever a non-ACIMer uses the word “ego” I have to ask them what they mean. In psychology, the ego is only a part of your psyche. To some in twelve step programs, ego means “pride”. Never do they mean it as the Course does: Your entire human identity, including your body and your “personality”.

The ego, whether one you make for yourself or one you project onto others, is unstable because it is unreal. Identify with it and you are always searching for yourself, trying on different identities, looking for some idea, or thing, or group to identify with because you have left your True Identity behind. And you will never feel you truly “know” someone else. Even lifelong relationships will shift again and again.

You are in an identity crisis until you accept the only Identity you have is in God.

www.acimmentor.com

Comments

carrie genevachild said…
In acim, ego is simply the belief in separation from God/Love. We believe we walked into the "far country," went our own way, destroying the Oneness of Heaven. Believing we killed God, we bring immense guilt with us into this world. We try to get rid of this terrible guilt by projecting it onto "others." We say, "Not me, Lord. She did it!"
hannah said…
im experiencing a strange mix of greater peace and greater discomfort around this. my sense of myself is loosening, or.. maybe being seen is a closer description of the feeling. but it still feels like ME experiencing that! ive read enough of the course and the sharing of yourself and ken, to trust that this is an experience that 'must' be gone through toward releasing the ego and returning to true being. also i had the experience of what you called a higher miracle, knowing what god is, that uneffectable peace, an awareness of limitlessness releasing this perception of the limited from its fearful importance.. one story not really many stories, which helps beyond words.

what im wondering is.. is it helpful or not at this point to share the experience im going through.. i dont feel i NEED to share it, like i did before.. (i have passed through around 4 years of terror that came when i realised the course was leading us to understand that the 'i' that thinks its having this experience isnt real. the idea at first made me furious and scared.. and now i feel accepting and glad,) but i still want to share it. but im perfectly happy to NOT talk about it if it helps me to let go of the attachment to self identity with greater ease.

im aware that the ego wants to share its story of letting go of the story, that i feel encouraged and uplifted .. validated?, in the sharing. and im aware that when my perception is trying to head back toward stronger identification with individual being, writing it out here makes me more aware of what im doing, or you or another commenter will point it out to me, straightforwardly and kindly. but ive also become acutely aware that sharing the story, regardless of whether it feels like an entrapping or liberating story, is still a story of the self.. keeps it feeling like a real thing.. a real self telling a story of a real letting go.

i think this comment is showing what im wondering about.. i want to express, be heard and understood and have help from 'the world' in clearing up my erroneous perceptions, in this arena (this blog) where ive found a person i know is speaking about a path to peace which she has actually experienced, while also finally knowing i could simply turn to the teacher within. but if im anchoring in the erroneous perception of self identity more by speaking about this stage of growing awareness of both self attachment and the truth beyond it, then i will speak about it only when i feel really stuck.

i just thought you would probably recognise where im at, and, having moved beyond this, know what would help or hinder most, or if awareness of the dynamic means it doesnt 'matter' either way. if observing that dynamic is all i need do.

hannah said…
i feel totally embarrassed in posting this, like.. its too much exposure of the self obsessiveness. i know you see it already though, and i know you see beyond it.
ACIM Mentor said…
Hannah, whether or not it's helpful to share is only something that you can determine for yourself. If your mind is truly open then it's the learning mind that has been identified with the ego that shares and asks questions. It's learning to go beyond the ego. The ego only asks questions to make a point. It isn't really open to answers.
hannah said…
ok.. the ego only asks questions to make a point. that really helps. i do that often!

i also often ask questions because i think they will help someone else, and im finding it tricky to let go the habit of trying to fix the world. i have wondered, if that is ever coming from holy spirit.. if i feel a question hovering behind someone elses story that it feels like they cant face or ask, and i can ask it as though it were purely my question. i THINK that if its projection on my part it wont hurt anyone to ask a question that wasnt part of their learning, and it does seem to help sometimes.

im finding it confusing to know if im just sticking my nose into other peoples business, being helpful or trying to fix something and anchoring in problems as real. is the answer the same? i can only determine this for myself?

i just became aware of feeling guilty for seeking help from you, as though im trying to take a short cut! but learning from the expression of holy spirit i see within say acim or you, is not avoiding strengthening my awareness of HS within me right!? its not avoiding turning to the teacher within? if communicating with truth in others can be part of learning to go beyond ego.. it can also be part of learning to turn to the truth within me?
hannah said…
ah, laughing!! i just read your next blog, 'why mentoring' .. scratch half the questions i just asked! so funny.

but i did want to clarify one of the other questions, after reading my post again just then. theres dishonesty in how i ask the questions i feel hidden in someone elses story, even though im just trying to help bring the question to light, (even if i turn out to be mistaken about the question being there.) but it seems like if someones not asking a question, or talking about an aspect of their experience, it might be too confrontational to just say outright 'are you thinking this...' or theyd have talked about it outright themselves. but if i make the 'thing' mine, they get the discussion and openness without having to be courageous yet. and it might help them build courage for the future?
ACIM Mentor said…
You can use either approach depending on the openness of the person with whom you are speaking. The first for someone who seems to really be asking for help. The second for someone who may not be conscious of asking for help. Where it leads is up to them.
hannah said…
i love how you do that. you answer my questions, with the addition of showing me where the ego is involved in the question... in such a way that it leaves it up to me to recognise that or not!!

thanks for the clarity asked for and beyond.

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