Facing Your Fear of God
To look upon the fear of God does need some preparation. Only the sane can look on stark insanity and raving madness with pity and compassion, but not with fear. (T-19.IV.D.11)
It would make the students in my study group uncomfortable whenever I acknowledged my fear of God. “Why do you fear God?” they would ask with surprise. I would tell them that I still identified with the ego and that I felt that I would lose my identity in God. This answer seemed to make them even more uncomfortable.
Sometimes they would claim they didn’t fear God. “Do you experience only peace and happiness at all times?” I would ask them. Of course they said no. “Then you fear God, too,” I would explain.
I think they were uncomfortable because I was bringing them face to face with their own fear of God, which they wanted to deny. Yet how would my denying where I am serve either me or them? It does you no good to pretend you have attained a state you have not yet attained. Better to accept you are where you are honestly. Only then can you choose to go forward along a different path.
Of course, I am much less fearful now than when I was first a student of the Course. I am caught up in the world, yet it does not affect me deeply. I have many more moments of peace and happiness than I have ever had. Occasionally my eyes flutter open from the sleep of separation and I catch glimpses of Oneness. But I do not fool myself that I am awake.
You will awaken in a single moment. That is the moment you no longer fear God. Until then you are really just preparing for that moment. And knowing you are moving toward that moment relieves a lot of suffering and unhappiness.
www.acimmentor.com
To receive this daily blog in your e-mail contact me at Liz@acimmentor.com
It would make the students in my study group uncomfortable whenever I acknowledged my fear of God. “Why do you fear God?” they would ask with surprise. I would tell them that I still identified with the ego and that I felt that I would lose my identity in God. This answer seemed to make them even more uncomfortable.
Sometimes they would claim they didn’t fear God. “Do you experience only peace and happiness at all times?” I would ask them. Of course they said no. “Then you fear God, too,” I would explain.
I think they were uncomfortable because I was bringing them face to face with their own fear of God, which they wanted to deny. Yet how would my denying where I am serve either me or them? It does you no good to pretend you have attained a state you have not yet attained. Better to accept you are where you are honestly. Only then can you choose to go forward along a different path.
Of course, I am much less fearful now than when I was first a student of the Course. I am caught up in the world, yet it does not affect me deeply. I have many more moments of peace and happiness than I have ever had. Occasionally my eyes flutter open from the sleep of separation and I catch glimpses of Oneness. But I do not fool myself that I am awake.
You will awaken in a single moment. That is the moment you no longer fear God. Until then you are really just preparing for that moment. And knowing you are moving toward that moment relieves a lot of suffering and unhappiness.
www.acimmentor.com
To receive this daily blog in your e-mail contact me at Liz@acimmentor.com
Comments
Recently I seem to have come up against some core of fear while practicing The Course. This fear typically arises as I become intensly willing to surrender this ego-based world that I have created. The fear feels as though death is near me in a very real, physical sense. It shakes me quite thouroughly. Is this natural? Is this the last defense of the ego?
In some ways it feels like some sort-of mental disease. I would greatly appreciate any help out there.
Thank You,
Joel
When you post to my blog I cannot see your email address, so I will answer here.
What you are experiencing is common. In fact, somewhere in the Course it says the ego will tell you that you are dying as you begin to let go of it. That is because it is "dying" in the sense you are letting go of it. Because you still identify with the ego, it seems as though you are letting go of your "self". This will change as your identity shifts toward Christ.
Just let the ego have its say and recognize it for what it is. This will pass.
Liz wrote: " It does you no good to pretend you have attained a state you have not yet attained. Better to accept you are where you are honestly. Only then can you choose to go forward along a different path."
Better to acknowledge my belief that I am typing these words with my hands right now.
Knowing that I am preparing for that moment of awakening is deeply satisfying.
Yes. I'm frightened to wake up and find no one, no body, no world. I'm afraid there will be just me left not knowing What I really am and I'll be lost forever in nowhere with no Light to guide me, no clear direction, no sight, no sound, no thoughts, and no idea of my location. I'm afraid to wake up to nothingness. I'm scared there'll be nothing but me left with nothing but myself. I'm frightened of God because to Know Him is to let go of all the above. I'm frightened to Be Unlimited formless Being because I feel I need form as an anchor point in order to locate myself or know that I am. I am frightened to not know myself as a body. I'm having a hard time accepting God's Truth of What I am even though I know it's true.
What do you think of all this, Liz?
This fear has played havoc in my past when I had no words to describe it. This fear would kick in after a Oneness experience. And boy, does it get rough on the body!